Just Say “No!”
Why are you afraid to say “NO” ?
You have a decision to make. Someone has asked you to do something. The “something” isn’t important.
Here’s a fact.
You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.
No, you don’t.
Because if you plan to do it, and you really don’t want to, you’ll fall head first into The Vortex of Anxiety:
- What if?
- How will I?
- I can’t do this!
- I Do Not Want to Do This!
- Why did I ever suggest I would do this?
I don’t know. Why did you?
Then the Second Round, an onslaught of racing, ruminating thoughts that go nowhere:
- Do I want to?
- Not want to?
- Am I expected to?
- I don’t like this idea!
- I have virtually no interest in this plan!
- I have a million other things to do that are vitally important!
- I’m confused, flustered, and now I feel… nauseous. I can’t make a decision about this!
How exhausting. You can’t make a decision, can you? Have you ever wondered why? Is your self-esteem low? Perhaps it’s time for you to evaluate your feelings of self-worth.
Let’s Get Honest
Let me ask you a question, just you and me. Do you genuinely want to do this thing? Be honest. Why, or why not?
Is a trio of blame, shame and guilt guiding your decision? This trio clouds judgement. And if this trio guides you routinely, you better find out why.
Don’t you have a mind of your own? I mean, hello in there! Why the identity crisis?
If something isn’t up your alley, makes you uncomfortable, repulses, overwhelms, can’t be done, demeans, brings on abdominal cramps, truly doesn’t appeal in some way, why are you going to do it?
If you’re in touch with who you are, and what you need, you can take a proud and consistent stand on just about any issue. You won’t be prisoner to the endless whims, whining and (obnoxious) wills of others. You will be Free! Liberated!
Yes, there are times when you have to “do it.” You know those times. It’s the right, ethical and moral thing to do, so you’ll do it. If you can.
In most cases however, if you don’t want to do it, you can say “No.”
How To Say No With Dignity And Assertiveness
When you do say “No,” say it with strength, and good manners. Do not suck and blow and waver. Just say “No.”
Then straighten those shoulders, chin up, stomach in, squeeze and pull in the buttocks…and move on. Be aware of (but try to ignore) the paralyzing guilt that you may be feeling the first few times you utter this word. But be clear: guilt has no place here.
Notice the relief once you’ve made a decision that works for you. Why did you tax your brain in the first place, you’re probably wondering. You knew the answer from the start!
Let’s be frank. Why do you feel always feel obligated to please everyone but yourself? Don’t you like yourself ?
Imagine a world where you can make your own decisions, like adults are supposed to do, and steer your own boat.
As the word “No” gets easier to say, and it does, with repeated practice, you’ll wonder….why didn’t I love myself sooner? Why did I allow myself to be ruled by the dictates of others, for so long?
So do it. Do it often, do it with head held high. Go on!
Feel good about it.
This is your (short) life to manage, enjoy and navigate.
“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho