Just Say “No!”
I don’t care what the issue is.
It really doesn’t matter.
All I want to say is this: You have a decision to make, don’t you. Someone has asked you to do something. The “something” isn’t important.
Here’s a fact.
You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.
No, you don’t.
Because if you plan to do it, and you really don’t want to, you’ll fall head first into The Vortex of Anxiety: the ‘what ifs,’ ‘how will I,’ “I CAN’T DO THIS! and, “I Do Not Want to Do This! “ Or, “Why did I ever suggest I would?”
I don’t know. Why did you?
Then the Second Round, an onslaught of insane, racing thoughts that go nowhere:
Do I want to, not want to, I’m expected to, I don’t like this idea, I have virtually no interest in this, I have a million other things to do that are more important, I’m confused, flustered, and now I feel… nauseous.
Let me ask you a question, just you and me. DO YOU HONESTLY WANT TO DO THIS. Be honest.
Is the trio of Blame, Shame and Guilt guiding your decision? This trio (abbreviated to “B.S.” for convenience) only clouds judgement. And if this trio guides you routinely, you better find out why.
Tell me, do you have a mind of your own? I mean, Hello In There! Having an identity crisis, are you?
If something isn’t up your alley, if it makes you uncomfortable, repulses, overwhelms, demeans, brings on abdominal cramps, truly doesn’t appeal in some way, why are you going to do it?
If you’re in touch with who you are and what you need, you can take a proud and consistent stand on just about any issue, and you won’t be prisoner to the endless whims, whining and (often obnoxiously strong) wills of others. You will be Free! Liberated!
Yes there are times when you have to “do it.” You know those times. If it’s the right, ethical and moral thing to do, of course you’ll do it. But those are rare cases.
In most cases, you can say “No.”
And when you do say “No,” say it with grace, strength, and walk away. Get those shoulders straight, chin up, stomach in, squeeze and pull in the buttocks…oh, never mind!
Notice the sense of relief that pours over you when you finally make a decision that works for you. Palpable! A huge weight off the brain! Why did you tax your brain in the first place? You knew the answer from the start! You just needed a few days to weigh all the pros and cons, to assess the wild ramblings in your brain, right?
But…why did you have to go through all that? You knew the answer all along!
Let’s be frank, shall we? You work hard for others, don’t you. You work hard for others day in, day out. Don’t deny or dismiss this. Why do you feel always feel obligated to please everyone but yourself? Don’t you like yourself ?
Imagine a world where you can make your own decisions, like adults are supposed to do, and steer your own boat. As the word “No” gets easier to say, (and it does, with repeated practice) you’ll wonder….why didn’t I get to know myself better, sooner? Why did I allow myself to be ruled by the dictates of others, for so long?
So do it. Do it often, do it with head held high. Go on!
I mean… Don’t do it. Feel GOOD about not doing it. This is your life.