'Loving' a Sociopath? 22 Signs
Let’s just put it this way: I have witnessed the workings of The Con Man.
I was scammed, others were duped.
Think that’s not possible? Oh, but it is possible.
You can’t believe that such people exist, you want to think the best of people, so you shove your head under a rug and go straight into denial.
It’s ridiculously easy to get caught up with these people!
Trust me on this, if you can.
The Con Artists? They tend to be charming, intelligent (on the surface), powerfully manipulative, charismatic. They draw you in, an unknowing insect flying headfirst into a sticky web. You don’t know what’s happening, their behaviour is that clever.
Con Men (women, too) also humiliate their victims, fool them, call them vile names, cunningly lower their self-esteem, deceive, connive, gobsmack. And they take, take, take. It’s like they’ve won the lottery, they’re on a timer, they’ve got to collect – fast.
How do kind, generous, even powerful people fall for abusive people?
The Con Man is a magnificent liar, charmer and actor.
If you’re tricked by a Con Man, you’ll be seriously affected – financially and emotionally.
The good news is that a Con Man eventually falls into a deep hole of his own making. The lies, deceit, broken promises start to add up. The truth comes out. And when the truth comes out, The Con Man is no dummy, he flees like the wind, he’s gone like magic, takes all his empty promises and lies with him, it’s time to find the next victim, chop, chop!
You’ll then find out that your friends, colleagues, neighbours, even your beloved pets…they all sensed that something was seriously ‘off ‘ with this person, which, after you’re good and done with him, is sweet validation. It also makes you want to spit nails: why was he able to con you?
Awareness of Con Man Traits is essential, a preemptive strike. Once victims are enmeshed and brainwashed within the finely crafted string of charm, lies, deceit, name-calling and abuse, they’re stuck as soundly as jam on toast. These perpetrators are masterminds. The arsenal of techniques they employ to hold their victims prisoner is astounding. It must be a full time job, being so devious.
I present a list of Con Man traits that don’t mince words, are clear as day. If any of these traits reverberate with you? Pay attention. Wake up. Don’t hide and hope this person doesn’t exist. Don’t call this ‘love.’ Don’t look the other way.
- Did this person want to get into a relationship with you fast, profess true love, quickly?
- Is he always jealous?
- Does he repeatedly say he needs professional help for his atrocious behaviour problems – but never gets it?
- Does he show respect to your family, or does he gossip maliciously about them?
- Does he say terrible things about his own family?
- Does he repeatedly say he could do ‘so much better’ than you?
- Does he give you space and privacy when you ask for it?
- Is he always ‘in’ your business?
- Does he answer your phone, your computer messages, your private emails and pretend he doesn’t?
- Does he like to smash things in your presence because, well, he’s angry?
- Is he ever content, peaceful, relaxed?
- Does he whine and complain about everything?
- Does he tend to get his way?
- Does he influence your decision-making?
- Does he make up stories (lies) about you, to others?
- Does he say routinely say negative things about other people?
- Does he have many (any) friends?
- Do people like him? Does your family like him?
- Does he have temper tantrums?
- Does he tend to be opportunistic?
- Does he ‘borrow’ money, promise to pay it back, then go into a black rage when you ask when the money might be repaid?
- Does he threaten to kill himself if you break up with him?
And so you’re thinking… Who in Their Right Mind Would Love This Kind of Person?
This is the whole point. These people can twist the most sensible of minds.
This is why there are repeated stories about individuals who successfully scam and abuse otherwise kind, decent people.
Donna Andersen, the master on this whole subject, calls this kind of relationship “Love Fraud.”
“There are people in the world who pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation,” she says. “These people are sociopaths.”
Andersen married a sociopath. Her ex-husband, among other things, ended up defrauding her of over $200,000.
Indeed, Con Man driven ‘romance’ produces hateful, soul-sucking relationships.
If you find yourself in such a relationship, if the above checklist resonates, if you treasure your personhood, your bank account, your friends, your family, your dignity: race from it.
My experience with The Con Man solidified my belief that one must pay attention to gut feelings. Red flags were slapping me senseless, right in the face – the very first minute I encountered this individual. The person was loud, obnoxious, overbearing, arrogant, cocky, self-absorbed, narcissistic and whined (for attention) in a way that turned my stomach.
I ignored the signals. I wanted to believe in goodness. I played nice. I was generous.
I got taken.
I won’t be fooled again.