Gossip: It Shows How Insecure You Are

29
Apr

gossip123

 

In the realm of things to do to increase your self-esteem, raise your confidence, and feel better about yourself, Gossip is Not One of Them.

It was fun and exciting in high school though, wasn’t it?

I guess I have to wonder: when we grow up, why do we continue to do it?

Oh I so admire those who refuse to gossip, those rare birds. Aren’t they something? Just on occasion it would be pleasant to engage them in some wee banter about other people.

But they won’t have it.

That’s because they’re smart. Enlightened. They know, from life experience, what gossip really is.

 

Shhh, Don’t Tell: Here’s The The Truth About Gossip

Gossip is negative. Negative talk that supposedly props you up. But instead, it actually broadcasts to everyone within earshot that your self-esteem is Sh*t, because you clearly rely on judging others to validate your self-worth.

This is not to mention that gossip stunts spirituality, strips individuality, makes you appear weak, powerless, a follower.

You may do it because others do. You may do it because you are a people pleaser and don’t want to tell others to shut up. Gossip may have been role-modelled to you as a child, thus was deemed socially acceptable. But you know better now. Right?

How about this: “Gossip means we haven’t emboldened ourselves to talk directly to the people we take issue with, so we belittle them.”—Oprah Winfrey

So add weak, passive aggressive, and ‘chicken’ to what The Classic Gossiper is really all about.

But Everyone Does It!

So jump off a cliff just because others do?

Don’t get me wrong; gossip has a few sociological payoffs.

For example, it’s known to encourage and forge social bonds between people. Connects them.

It’s also, supposedly, fun and entertaining. The writers at power of positivity.com say that “people engaging in gossip often feel a shared sense of humour, mutual interests; not to mention a certain “thrill” achieved through divulging “confidential information” (i.e. the “bad stuff” about someone else).”

Science also has shown that negative talk creates stronger social bonds than happy talk. 

And who can ignore stats? “About 60 percent of conversations between adults are about someone who isn’t present….and most of these (conversations) are passing judgement,says a social psychologist.

Depressing!

People gossip for lots of reasons. And clearly, people gossip a lot.

The Downside

When a gossip session is over, and you walk away, you’re often left with a bit of a pang: guilt.

“Argh, I shouldn’t have said that.” 

Right?

Because you know deep down that it’s wrong to gossip.

You know that people who gossip really don’t feel good about who they are.

You know that those who gossip with you will gossip about you.

 

So Try The Alternative!

It’s utopian, it’s idealistic but it’s possible: don’t judge. Meaning: don’t gossip.

Rise above it.

Judging others is like playing darts in the dark. You aim, fire, think you hit the mark about someone, bullseye. What a rush. But then, like a fine cheese gone bad, you will feel a wee bit sick, too.

First, you don’t live that other person’s life. Second, you don’t know what they deal with, or what their major life struggles are. Third, you are judging something you don’t know anything about.

How silly is that.

Besides: what you think you know about other people is none of your business. So shut up, already!

 

 And Stop Demeaning…Yourself

You were expected to rise above gossiping behaviour when prom ended. Isn’t that written somewhere?

Wouldn’t it be a lovely change to share pleasantries, instead, about the ‘good’ you see in other people? As in, “Isn’t she kind?” Or, “isn’t he so helpful to the neighbours?”

Borrr-iing. You won’t have any friends!

So instead, you want to demonstrate to everyone how insecure you are? That you are a big loud gossip? Not to be trusted? Surely not respected?

Steve Maraboli gets it: “How would your life be different if…you walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…you speak only the good you know of other people, and encourage others to do the same.”

Utopian and idealistic, perhaps. But without question, so much healthier for you.

 

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 29th, 2017 at 12:25 am and is filed under Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

comments

4

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  1. April 29th, 2017 | Sue F says:

    “This is not to mention that gossip stunts spirituality, strips individuality, makes you appear weak, powerless, a follower”. This is what it does to the gossiper. So there are definitely no winners here. Great article!

  2. May 11th, 2017 | abby says:

    Thanks Sue! We’ve all done it. I finally realized why, and it isn’t pretty, is it!

  3. April 30th, 2017 | Jean walmsley says:

    There is a good book about gossip, written in an entertaining fashion but shows the horrendous downsides of gossip and the misery it yields. Called BIG LITTLE LIES. Has been a 6 week feature on tv….I did not see it. The setting is with kindergarten moms and what they are teaching their children by their behaviour, a good read. Jean

  4. May 11th, 2017 | abby says:

    Jean, you remind me – mothers gossiping about other children in the schoolyard are the worst. So much competition, and you have to wonder why.

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While I don't publish all comments, I welcome and appreciate your feedback and participation. If you'd prefer to keep your comment 'private,' please use my contact form (located on my website menu) and indicate this. I will happily respond to all comments and questions.

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