Self-Loathing: The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy



“If I could accept myself (and others) more, rather than consistently rejecting myself in my quest to be better, life would be so much sweeter.”Kris Carr

How surprising that many people, deep down, don’t like themselves and are disappointed about their lives.

“Life is a bitch and then you die,” I once heard someone say. That comment haunts me to this day; such intense negativity.

Self-loathing is equally negative. And toxic.

Learning to accept life ‘as is’, always with an eye out for possible life improvement, is the path to contentment.


What Is ‘Self-Acceptance’?

It’s the simple understanding that life is not perfect. It is accepting that your warts, body fat, wrinkles, boring job, dashed dreams, big hips, strokes of luck and occasional ill fortune are one total package.

It is an understanding that you need to be okay with who you are, right now.

That magical period of life we’re all waiting for, when we get our act together, will never come.

That last sentence is not about hopelessness. It is a statement of acceptance.


11 Ways To Address Self-Loathing

1. Take Responsibility

Every personal improvement starts with awareness. If you are mired in toxic self talk, if your life is a self proclaimed mess and you know it, own up to it and do something about it. Then you can fix it.


2. Stop The Sabotage

Saying (or thinking) “I hate my life” or, “I hate myself” is a self fulfilling prophecy. Negativity longs for more more company. Don’t allow it. If you are addicted to negativity and dark illogical thinking, this a problem. You need to break the pattern. Read this.


3. Stop Despairing, Start Doing

“Self-love is not how you feel about yourself,” says David Cain. “It’s what you do for yourself.” If you love and accept yourself, you find time to exercise. You nourish your body. You watch your stress levels. You create safe boundaries with difficult people. You monitor your self-talk. You seek help with problems from reputable professionals. Self love is a process that requires commitment.


4. Get Real About Imperfection

You are imperfect. You are imperfect in many, many ways. ‘Imperfect’ is what human beings are. The pursuit of perfection (a form of madness, to be frank), is self-loathing personified. ‘Perfect’ will never ever happen. Your best effort has to be good enough.


5. Use Your Bountiful Gifts With Pride

You have a wide variety of talents and skills for a reason. Using them raises your self-esteem and heightens a sense of overall self-worth and contentment. Use your skills regularly, with pride, and watch the magic happen.

6. Manage Your Negativity

Consider exercises and techniques that are designed to alter mindsets. The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook, for example, helps develop healthier reactions and behaviours. The classic David Burns’ book “Feeling Good” helps to alter negative thinking. (Product and buying information, below.)


7. Make Mistakes And Learn From Them

Think of mistakes as ‘education.’ Mistakes are a gift. They point out weak areas that need improvement. Self loathers meticulously obsess about their mistakes to bolster their own defeatism. But errors are a part of life and will continue to occur until a person is ready to face them.


8. Dismiss The “I Want It Now” Mentality

Click on the right buttons, and a product of your dreams displayed on the internet can be yours in seconds. A fulfilling life is not instantaneous. Those who desire improved self esteem and a healthier mindset have to work hard to get it.

9. Learn How To Wait

Patience is an essential skill in a world where people expect too much too soon, and fall into a pit of despair when gratification doesn’t occur quickly enough. How to learn patience? Read this.


10. Blessings First, Not Last!

Self-loathers tend to obsess over the negative to literally block out the good. Some gratitude, please! A primer, here.  Gratitude is a powerful, life changing force. If you want to absorb and benefit from the many sources of ‘good’ in your life, you have to acknowledge them.


11. Stop Judging Others

Self-loathers often avoid working on themselves, by judging and gossiping about others. Not clever. If your life is as unhappy as you claim, I would wager that your OWN life requires priority and intense scrutiny, not anyone else’s. Also, please note that gossip is a sure sign of insecurity, and low self esteem.

Self-loathing is not to be taken lightly. It is a painful struggle with legitimate roots which can range from childhood trauma or persistent ill health to failed relationships.

But it is also an attitude. An attitude that exacerbates unhappiness, with an expectation of more unhappiness to come.

Self-loathing will stick to you.

Don’t let it.

Recommended Extra Reading

Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., “Therapist Spill: 12 Ways To Accept Yourself.”

Adriana Albano, “Why I Stopped Saying “I Hate My Life.”

Emily, “3 Easy Exercises to Ease Self-Loathing If You Completely Freaking Hate Yourself.”


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This entry was posted on Saturday, September 30th, 2017 at 1:13 am and is filed under Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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