As a quintessential worry wart and self-confessed nervous wreck who has taken a long, arduous journey to recovery (and still on that road,) this topic – despite all my Stress Go-Tos – is starting to eat at my gut.

The stories and their common themes:

• Toronto mayor Rob Ford has allegedly smoked crack. Some citizens are hoping to raise money to pay a drug dealer to obtain a video proving this happened. Certain media outlets emphatically insist that Ford was involved and performed the nasty deed.
• Certain federal senators, a group long accused of slurping from the public trough, despite the notion of operating with honour in a supposed ‘house of sober second thought,’ are, in growing numbers, confessing to morally bankruptcy. Some are happily corrupted by power, delighted  to get away with whatever they can, some now being handed hush money to shut up and go away.
• Many of us don’t trust our prime minister. We’ve lost confidence in our local leaders.

Is there anyone left to rely on?

Accountability? Where can it be found?

The common default response by The Naughty?  ”I didn’t do that.”

O.J. Simpson: I didn’t do it. Bill Clinton: I didn’t do it. Lance Armstrong: I didn’t do it. Rob Ford: I didn’t do it. My own local municipal mayor: I didn’t do it.

Lying… the new truth?

The notions of  ”honourable,”  ”integrity,” “do the right thing”…swept away like last year’s trash?

Do we want a society we can count on?

Or, is the mission now to sell our souls to the devil, for whatever we can personally gain, whether for fame, notoriety, money, or to hoard social media followers like squirrels gather nuts, the quest to pursue cyber ‘popularity” at any cost : shallow, real.

What are we doing on this planet, if not to do good, be good, spread good? To pay back what is owed? To speak the truth? Own up to wrongdoing? Take responsibility? Pay the price? Be a good example?

Is truth currency going the way of the noble penny?

Honesty and truth are the only foundations on which we can embrace faith. Truth is liberating. It is soul affirming.

I want truth from my friends, my family, my government leaders, the media.

Am I screaming in the dark?

I’ve known too many Photo/Video Tormentors!

Have you ever spent two, three, SEVEN hours watching someone else’s videos?

Have you ever looked at 50, 200, SIX HUNDRED photos that someone insists you see, complete with long explanations for each single frame, your thoughts turning to  quicksand, falling, falling…wanting to disappear…utterly stymied with boredom and resentment?

I’ve been roped, lassoed, kidnapped into this oppression many times!

No More!

Life is short!

Didn’t anyone ever caution tormentors about photos, videos and the fragility of relationships?

And here’s the kicker!

If you ask that same person to look at your photos, or watch your videos, guess what they’ll say?

“Oh, can’t. Too busy. Have a headache. Some other time?” (as in: never.)

Why? Because they’re not willing to spend their precious time staring blankly at your endless videos or photos!

Why would they?

Is it a kindness to bore another person utterly senseless?

Stress Bubbles:

A few years back I was approached by a “friend” with a box. This box contained appromixately 800 travel photos. No lie.

“Let’s look !” the “friend” asked me, bursting with excitement, shoving the box my way, physically cornering me.

“No.” I answered. (Stress Go-To: Just Say No.)

Her face turned white.

“Why not?” she yelped, sincerely outraged.

“Can’t.”

The silent truth, simmering within me: BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO?

Has a photo/video tormentor approached you? What did you do?

So the Angelina Jolie breast story…

Anytime a woman is proactive about her health, ‘makes’ a strong courageous female empowered statement about wellness, straightens the warped view of beauty, I say Great. Fantastic. Inspiring. You go, gurl.

I become uncomfortable however (downright anxious?) about Celebrity Stuff that Makes The News and then gets blown right out of proportion. Whether it’s Justin B drinking a can of daddy pop or Amanda B tweeting herself into abstract oblivion…can we step aside and take a breath here?

Here’s how I can deal with AJ’s story…

She had breast-related medical procedures. And…. so do many many other women. So?

But.

Her  story has grown into a Major League Schmozzle, featuring conflicting and confusing information, with the words “revolutionary” “laudatory” “ground-breaking” and “courageous” attached for added bewilderment.

This is so confusing! This causes me great angst? You?

This is what I want to know.

Should I have my breasts removed asap?

Should I have all of the tests that AJ did, and consider money no object?

Wait! What are the complications, implications, facts about all the procedures AJ underwent?

Do I have even have access to her kind of healthcare?

Can I get a stunning new ‘set’ of girls right away to replace the old knockers? How much will that cost?

Will my doctor allow me to get as many tests as I want, so I can be as ‘proactive’ and ‘brave’ as AJ?

How will this news affect women currently battling breast cancer? Should they feel guilty because they weren’t as “courageous” as AJ, weren’t privy to  all the testing she had access to?

Here are my lowly layperson facts for colourful contrast.

I used to get mammograms every year, due to my own high risk. Testing began when I was 38. Now I’m allowed mammograms only once every two years, even though I had two preemptive ‘procedures’ undertaken from both sides a few years back.

I’ve  also had necessary reduction surgery to remove ‘excess,’ which was necessary, covered by health insurance. I’ve been told that breast reduction surgery may be on the chopping block soon too. And even with fairly routine breast reduction surgery, when ta-tas are huge, back breaking, should go, one has to get an okay from a family doctor. Then an okay from a surgeon. Otherwise, it’s a no go.

Here’s another issue. Breasts are  huge in our culture. Men want em, women want em. Is adoration of female breasts now going to disappear, because of AJ? Oh, wait… she got new ones? What’s that message then?

Are we  ’out of the woods’ when we remove a part of our anatomy? Should we now consider removing other bodily elements, then, like organs, musculature, circulatory, integumentary, digestive, respiratory?

Should we get everything taken out? Would that make us courageous, bold and proactive too?

Can we live forever?

Where does all this end?

I’m glad Angelina has reduced her breast cancer (and possibly other) risks.  I’m glad she’s had reconstructive surgery to replace what has been taken away.

But this is a story for all women, not just the rich and famous.

And the question is: where does this story leave the rest of us?

I’ll never forget this one!

I wore a long skirt to work. I was in my early 20s. At the time I was heavily into a kind of peasant-y hippy chic, undergarments optional, the free flowing vibe, good.

My ‘work’ involved a solitary job in a back office. I needed to be dressed, yes, but it didn’t matter how.

A co-worker approached me one day, looked me up and down. Then studied my skirt as though it was a science experiment.

“Is that a skirt?” she asked (grimacing, like she’d just eaten a bad egg,) “Or, is that a slip?”

Of course it was a skirt! It was emblazoned with a flower motif! It had a deep rich coral hue! Who wears slips in public?

Another situation: Woman comes up to me and says “Do you LIKE that scarf you’re wearing?”

(Me, in my mind: I despise this scarf. That’s why I’m wearing it.)

Stress Bubbles:

Big Mouthes are a gift. They show us what we’re made of.

In the past, Big Mouthes made me cower. They are so brazen!

Nah.

A solid retort is all that’s required. Be prepared to utter (or play out) one of the following statements (or acting jobs) with the calm strength of a buddha:

“What kind of a comment is that??” (with head tilted quizzically.)

“Why do you ask?”

Or, say absolutely nothing. Just stare them down. Let the awkward silence sit, festering, like a bad smell.

These responses will confuse The Big Mouth. The offender will walk away, stupefied.

Prize for you:  a euphoric rush of renewed self-esteem and self-empowerment!

Do you let The Big Mouth intimidate you?

This is not a funny story today. This is as serious as I get.

There is still bullying going on, all around us.

The very fact that bullying continues, and continues with impunity, is a mind blower.

I’m not talking today about young adults or children who bully each other.

I’m talking about full grown adults, in positions of authority, who bully children and young people.

We don’t talk much about that kind of bullying, do we?

Is it a secret?

The victims are many. The victims are silenced.

Examples: People in authority who demean those with special needs who are otherwise paid (well) to encourage, aide, support.

People in authority who humiliate children and young adults who don’t “get it” right the first time, who believe that perfection, beauty and intelligence is the only gauge of a useful young person.

People in authority who believe that young people do not deserve the right to speak out about abuse, improper treatment, humiliation or intimidation tactics.

People in authority who consciously ‘pick favourites,’ ignore the others.

People in authority who discriminate, based on colour, intelligence, skills, the size of one’s body, or whatever they choose.

Do you know of examples of this?

What are you doing about it?

We must not turn a blind eye to bullying. For – or about – anyone. This issue affects us all, profoundly.

Try to complain about a bullying incident? Daunting. Roadblocks to speaking out? Vast. Silence is still preferred; silence is golden. Rock the boat, expect outrage. You will be called names,  maybe bullied yourself – for reporting bullying. People in authority who bully? They feel entitled to do so. Even in 2013.

This is progress?

The “taking the pledge” assertions, new legislation and attempts to publicly denounce the act of bullying are a start. But that’s all they are. The tide against bullying is, in actuality, quite weak.

How many more youth suicides will it take, before we start mobilizing against this phenomenon, in earnest?

At the moment, young people are given this message: “Be Strong! Advocate for Yourself!” Really? Young people can’t fight bullies alone. Especially not people in positions of authority! When they try, they’re often shut down promptly, put in their place,  sometimes even disciplined for being proactive!

Adults have to be present. Adults have to care. Adults have to be ever watchful. Adults have to be vigilant about bullying. People in authority need to be educated about what bullying is.

To do nothing, to turn away, hope the problem goes away? A fool’s game. Until adults take a true stand, speak out,  educate themselves, educate others, bullying may be here to stay.

Can you live with that?

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Please note: The London Anti-Bullying Coalition does excellent work for its community on this difficult issue. For more information about what they do, how you can help, how you can educate yourself and others about how to deal with bullying, please visit: http://www.londonabc.ca